Hi, all. Smug here.

A lot of you may have seen my previous updates in the past. Some of you may have noticed that I was struggling with nailing down just who I was.

Turns out, there wasn't actually anything wrong with me. Or, well, nothing wrong that wasn't normal.

Y'all read the title. Y'all already know what the fuck goin' on. I didn't, because I didn't think it was a crisis, I thought it was just ME. Turns out it wasn't. I was just going through a very, VERY agonizing time of my life. I wasn't enjoying the art I made, I wasn't challenging myself, I doubted everything and everyone around me. But as I get older, and the lower my bullshit tolerance gets, the more I realize what was important to me. And then there was my art!

Boy, if I have to be honest, I think my art fuckin' BLOWS. It's rigid and stiff and fuckin' boring as hell, which was at odds with how extreme and wild I felt my art COULD be. And yet, when I did try to get wild, the results were cool, but they lacked substance and lasting power. And during this crisis, it's been hard not to see that doing all of this was not only necessary, but practically natural. It's all part of the process.

Igor and TPAB rule, by the way.

So, what now? Something wonderful happens. My ability to have fun is coming back, and my old rigid and stiff dogma is slowly shedding away. I can look forward to making art again. And, hell, I might sound corny saying it, but I'm starting to appreciate and remember all the good that's happened to me. The people I've met throughout my life, the ups and downs. We remember the past not to erase pain, but to accept that it was things we did, both good and bad. And I'm not perfect; I'm not a saint. But the pain I felt was never to break my spirit. I was just tearing my shame and guilt to pieces.

A coworker told me that you can't drown your demons. They always learn how to swim. And hey, if you're reading this, and going through the same situation? Don't worry. You'll be alright. The important thing is to always sail forward to clearer, less demon-infested waters.